lighthouse

"It's Saturday morning and I just read your e-mail. As usual the depth of your self-understanding awes me, as does the struggle of your soul to evolve and become. I understand everything you said. how do we get loved when we don't appear to need love? How do we get held when we seem to be self-sufficient? How do we get attention when everything's okay?...I am me, myself, separate matter.  I alternate between desires to go on mad drinking binges or a fucking binge or just to die...Coming to our loneliness, our death. Not being afraid or uneasy with it.  And you're right- love is the only salve/ It makes this journey into the center of our self aloneness bearable. I love you. And as Rilke says, I stand as a guardian of your solitude.  That's what friends do- they see and honor each other's separate solitude. I want to reach in there sometimes and rescue you from the terrible pain of this aching separteness, but that would be undermining you, stripping you of your strength and value. So we bear witness to each other's standing tall.  And I respect you as deeply as I have ever respected anyone. And I know you will eventually feel comfortable standing by yourself surrounded by those of us who see your insane beauty and brilliance and kindness and deep shiny black hair."

-another excerpt from the book of essays